I’m just a fucked up boy living in a fucked up world.
I’m Kyle, I’m 20 and I live in Scotland. I’m a student at the University of the West of Scotland, studying my degree in Contemporary Screen Acting.
What you see is what you get, I may not be perfect, but I was born this way. I’m not 100% comfortable with the skin I live in, but why should I change? Society’s idea of beautiful is fucked up. No-one is perfect. I believe beauty is more than just skin deep. The most beautiful people in the world are those with stunning personalities and perfect mind-sets. Imperfections are the true root of beauty and every body has it’s art. I déteste the word ‘ugly’ I think it’s the most degrading, hurtful and offensive word in the dictionary, especially when used against a person’s appearance - no-one is ‘ugly’.
I’m a passionate person when it comes to the creative arts: acting, dancing and singing. I live and breathe for the stage, it’s my sanctuary, without the existence of the stage and performing I’d be nothing. When I’m on a stage, I feel like electricity. I feel alive, free and strong. I don’t feel worthless, I feel powerful. I want to work in all three of these areas in my life.
I have an open mind, and like to consider myself a gay rights activist and equal opportunist. I wish for a world where love means more than anything else. No war. No hate. No discrimination. Being gay, straight, bi or trans-gender are not a fashion statements or lifestyles, so don’t treat them like they are. Labels are for clothing, labels are for filing, labels are not for people.
I believe what Einstein taught me: that imagination is more important than logic. Logic will get you from A to B, but imagination can take you anywhere. This is why I believe in the phenomenons that people find absurd, like: paranormal entities/demons, the 3rd dimensional world, aliens etc. I like to believe there’s more to life than being human. If every person kept their minds open, and let their imaginations run wild, they’d find it a lot more empowering and fun than living a life believing what they’re told to believe.
I’ve been described as a very cryptic person in the past, which is probably extremely true - I’m a very enigmatic and perplexed person. I’m sure of who I am, just not how I feel the majority of the time, and as a result people find it difficult to read and understand me. My emotions are forever changing, and fickle. I can’t explain why that is, I don’t know, I guess that’s just the way I am.
I’ve had what you could call an unfortunate life, and I’ve been through a lot. It’s beat me down at points and there are times when I’ve been reduced to nothing and I’ve not wanted to breathe any more.
I grew up in an alcoholic home, my mum disappeared for days on end on her drinking binges, my dad wasn’t in my life so I ended up in various care homes. I can say I’ve spent about 70% of my life in care homes and foster homes. When I wasn’t taken away by social services I was raised by my older sister, without her there to raise me and teach me right from wrong, I’d be nothing, she was my true mother when I was a child.
I’ve lost my brother to murder, my gran and granddad to cancer and my nephew to pre-mature birth.
I’ve attempted suicide 3 times.
I currently suffer from depression. I suffer from serious anxiety disorder and paranoia problems. I’m a recovering self-harmer and bulimic - I have my relapses, and I’m still fighting my illnesses.
All of the above are not held in vain, I have embraced that I’ve been unlucky and I’m learning to use it to make me stronger. I’m a skyscraper. Even though I’ve attempted to end my life, I’m still here, it’s just not my time to go. I do have my struggles, I am fighting my dark moments and trying my very best to overcome them, sometimes it’s hard, and sometimes it’s easy. I can’t have it together every minute of every day, sometimes I need to cry and sometimes I do have my bad days. If you can’t accept me at my worst, you don’t deserve me at my best. Why have I told you this? Just in case, just in case you are suffering from anything similar, and you can read my story and maybe it will help you. As now I feel better. Or to let you know, I am always here to talk, or have a shoulder for you to lean on, if you need, I’ve pretty much been through it all, so I will always have something to say that may help.
My inspiration is Lady Gaga, I don’t obsess over her, I love her, she’s my personal drug, my own God. This woman has taught me how to be strong and has made me who I am today. Without her guidance I’d not have the courage to be myself. What she teaches is my religion.
I also love penguins, bacon, peanut butter, dinosaurs, the stars, the rain, caves, sea life, fresh orange juice, salted popcorn, cinnamon, Glozell, roses, candles, and nature.
Now though, it’s time for me to wrap this up. If you’ve taken time to read this, thank you.